


Cat & Mouse

by Misterdevere



Series: Let the Games Begin [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Background Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin (Kingsman), Games, Gen, Merlin is a snarky bastard, Merlin-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere
Summary: Once a year, Merlin sends all his agents out together and sets about catching them one by one.
Series: Let the Games Begin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049534
Comments: 16
Kudos: 22





	Cat & Mouse

**Author's Note:**

> So obviously you can imagine whoever you want as the agents but allow me to introduce you to them as I see them [here](https://misterdevere.tumblr.com/post/635077289383788544/misterdevere-but-wouldnt-it-be-fun-if-kingsman)!
> 
> Or if you don't want to go near Tumblr, we have:  
>  **James McAvoy** as **Lamorak**  
>  **Thandie Newton** as **Caradoc**  
>  **Dev Patel** as **Kay**  
>  **Indira Varma** as **Ector**  
>  **Keeley Hawes** as **Bors**  
>  **Adrian Lester** as **Bedivere**
> 
> A quick thanks to [Sway](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/Sway) for making sure my little bit of German isn't awkward nonsense.

**Thursday, 3pm**

“Ladies, gentlemen, it’s that time of the year again. In a few minutes’ time, I will start this clock and you will have three hours to disappear before I start looking for you. You may use whichever means you see fit and so will I. You each have a phone for emergencies and that is the only thing off limits to me; everything else is fair game. You’re all experienced agents by now, it shouldn’t be so hard to go undetected.” Merlin’s lips twitched into a devious hint of a smile. “The last to be found will be the winner, and glory and a week’s downtime at any safehouse in the world will be your prize.” He had a dry kind of enthusiasm about him until his face and his voice settled into something darker. “Do not be first. Dismissed.”

Merlin pressed the button to start the timer and the agents started to move. They knew it was happening every year but they never knew exactly when, so while they could come up with general plans, those three hours were really all they had to put anything solid in place. And every minute counted; no one wanted to be first. There were no real consequences, only a little loss of pride, but Merlin’s pure joy at catching the first fuckup and the teasing from the other agents was something they all wanted to avoid. Bors was still living last year’s loss down.

**Thursday, 3:17pm**

“Harry, I need your help. I came up with the perfect plan to win this whole thing but it kinda relies on you.”

Harry sat back in his seat and crossed one leg neatly over the other. “Go on.”

“So the winner is the last person to get caught, right? And the last place Merlin is gonna look is in his own house.”

“You want me to hide you in our house?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Eggsy gave him a hopeful look and Harry sipped his tea with an amused smile.

“And how exactly would that work?”

“Well, I know you’ve got loft space, I could hide up there. And you don’t have cameras inside the house, right? Only outside?”

“Correct.”

“So I could come down to use the bathroom and stuff when Merlin’s not there. I’ll take food rations with me so I can stay up there as much as possible. We could use the emergency phone to contact each other, I know he’s gonna be keeping an eye out for us contacting people but I’m betting everything on you being his blind spot. I’d listen out, obviously, but just to be sure, I’d need you to tell me when it’s safe for me to come down and when he’s home. When he’s home, I can be still and silent, got plenty of practice from surveillance and sniper missions.”

Harry drained his cup as he thought it over then set his cup back in its saucer. “So you have the how all figured out. Now you’ll have to tell me why you imagine I’d deceive my husband to help you win.”

“Winner gets a holiday, right? Well the only player who never gets to win is Merlin. I could give him my win.”

“Why would you do that? You could use that. You could take your family.”

“I can afford to take my family on holiday myself.”

“And Merlin and I can afford to go on holiday ourselves.”

“Yeah but you’ve moaned to me like a million times that he only takes like one holiday every decade.”

Harry tutted. “Gentlemen do not moan, Eggsy.”

“Yeah, well you ain’t always a gentleman.” Harry only pursed his lips in response. “As Arthur, you can authorise him to go, and if he knows I’m giving it up for him, he might actually take it. It’ll probably be out of some begrudging politeness but whatever, still gets the same result. He’s stressed as fuck and I know that stresses you out too and makes you both kind of miserable. Me, mum and Daisy have got lives we never, ever thought we could have and we’re happy enough without fancy trips. You two need this more than we do.”

“Well. That’s very kind of you.”

“I reckon I’d stand a pretty good chance anyway, learnt my lessons previous years, but the only way I can guarantee a win is with your help. Please?”

“Why are you quite so desperate to win when you get nothing out of it?”

“Oh come on, Harry, you know it’s all about the glory of the win. Plus Merlin’s my friend, he’s pretty much always stressed, and this is how I know I can help.”

“How will you know you’ve won? I can justify doing what you’ve asked, I cannot justify feeding you information about the competition.”

“Merlin said this game’s never gone on for more than a week. I figure I could double that to be safe. If everyone else gets caught and he wants me to come in before that, there’s always the emergency phone.”

“You plan to live in our loft for a fortnight?”

Eggsy shrugged. “I’ve been in smaller, worse and more dangerous places for longer.” Harry mulled it over for another moment and eventually agreed. “Thanks. I’ve got everything I’ll need packed so I can just chill for a couple of hours. “Wanna get something to eat and take me back to your place?”

Eggsy flashed him a grin and a wink and Harry rolled his eyes. “Don’t make me change my mind.”

**Thursday, 10:32pm**

Percival swore to himself as his emergency phone rang. It was the moment they all dreaded, the call to say that Merlin had found them, and his had come embarrassingly early. “Merlin.”

“Really, Percival? You stayed in London and expected me not to find you? With all the CCTV on every corner?”

Percival breathed a laugh to himself. “I hoped it might be so foolish you’d miss it.”

“Unfortunately for you, just foolish. And you usually do so well. Disappointing.”

“For you and me both.”

Merlin chuckled. “I’ll see you back here soon. You almost needn’t have bothered leaving.”

**Friday, 3:16am**

“The M1’s dead at this time of night, isn’t it?” Merlin chuckled at the groan from the agent on the other end of the line. “Oh dear, Lamorak. Using your own car. You have heard of ANPR, haven’t you?”

“Of course I have, Merlin.” Merlin could hear the amusement in his voice. If it had only just been flagged, he’d probably been lying low for a few hours and hoped Merlin would be onto someone else by the time he moved.

“And you think I’m stupid enough not to have alerts set up for any vehicle I might reasonably expect any of you to use, do you?”

“I just hoped someone else might be keeping you busier.”

“And what was the plan?”

“I was going to leave the car somewhere and move on. I thought you’d find it there and waste time in that area long enough for me to disappear somewhere else.”

“You’re lucky Percival’s plan was only marginally stupider than yours. Any other year you’d be first.” Lamorak laughed down the phone. “Turn around at the next exit and come back here.”

**Friday, 11:42pm**

“Zoe Barrett.”

Caradoc rolled her eyes with a smirk. “Good evening, Merlin.”

“Flying under a known alias? Careless, I expected better of you.”

“Well, I didn’t have time to get the right credentials in place. I took a risk on the one I thought was least likely to alert you.”

“Unlucky. Morocco, though?” He hummed approvingly at her choice of destination. “Beautiful. It’s a shame you have to leave so soon. I’ll expect you home tomorrow night.”

That he specified night meant he was allowing her a day off there. He could hear her smile. “Thank you, Merlin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

**Sunday, 6:17am**

Kay fumbled and almost dropped his phone as it rang in his hand barely ten seconds after he’d turned it on. “If you weren’t the newest agent, you’d be in for a world of ridicule. As it is, you still might be, I haven’t decided yet.”

“Merlin?”

“Who else, Kay?”

“Why you calling my private phone?”

“Because you were stupid enough to take it with you.” Merlin shook his head and rolled his eyes in the solitude of his office. “Honestly, I’m starting to doubt my memory and think I never trained any of you.”

“But it was switched off!”

“And now it’s switched on or I wouldn’t be calling, would I? Say goodbye to The Peaks, I’ll see back here tonight.”

**Monday, 2:53pm**

“Ector! How’s George?”

“Who?”

“Diego Jorge Rodriguez. Often goes by George.”

“Oh for goodness sake, Merlin!” She resisted the urge to stamp her foot. George was barely an acquaintance, one she’d not been in contact with since before she was an agent but reached out to, sure Merlin couldn’t even know he existed. “How do you even know about him?!”

Merlin chuckled to himself. “Trust me, there’s not a person in any of your lives that I don’t know about. Argentina, though…you’re all giving me ideas for my next holiday.”

“Well, I’m glad we’re all so useful to you.”

Merlin could hear the pout in her voice. She was hoping to defend her crown. “Don’t be so down, you’re the middle of the pack, that’s not too bad. Get yourself home, check in with me sometime tomorrow.”

**Tuesday, 5:22pm**

“Guten Abend, Bors. Wie gehts? Du bist in Stuttgart, ich verstehe.”

“Hallo, Merlin. Das stimmt.” Bors sighed to herself. “What gave me away?”

“I know how good you are at charming people into helping you but I think you might’ve given away a bit too much. I have people all over the world and I found the house you’re staying at on google maps based on what they got out of you.” There was a bit of disapproval in his voice but then his informants were chosen for their skills so he probably couldn’t be too mad about it. “Never trust a stranger, I have eyes and ears everywhere, and so do other people. You’re careful but not quite careful enough.”

“Understood.” She gave a happy sigh - she did so enjoy their little chase, she didn’t really even care if she won. “Well, good game, Merlin.”

“Absolutely. Come on home, bis morgen.”

**Wednesday, 1:49pm**

Merlin clapped his hands together and rubbed them together a little before he made the call. “Oh ho ho, didn’t think I knew about that bank account, did you, Bedivere?!”

“Merlin. No, I didn’t.”

“Well you were right, I found it a couple of hours ago, I’ve just been waiting for you to try and use it.” Bedivere laughed. Of course he’d find it, he should have known he would eventually. “You did well but if I can find it, so could someone else. Do better next time.”

“I will. Can I get back into my account now?”

“Of course you can.” Merlin had blocked it just to fuck with him but he wouldn’t keep him out for longer than he needed to. ”New York was a ballsy move.”

“Oh, you know me. I don’t like to make it too easy for myself. How did I do?”

“Third place. Not to be sniffed at. Take an extra day and I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Thanks.”

**Thursday, 8:51am**

“Good morning, Lancelot! Sorry, it’s evening in New Zealand, isn’t it?”

“Hello, Merlin. I hope you’re calling to tell me I’ve won!”

He could hear the joy in her voice and he hated to let her down. “I’m afraid not.”

“What?! It’s been a week. Who’s left?”

“That pain in the arse that you trained with,” he grumbled. “I have no idea where he is. I think I might have trained your cohort a bit too well.”

“That bastard.” Merlin loved their friendly rivalry. They hadn’t let it die yet and he was sure they never would. It was the first time either of them had won, though, and he was looking forward to seeing how that would play out. “How did you find me?”

“I found you in the background of someone’s photo. Facial recognition on Instagram posts.”

“What? Where? I’ve been so careful.” Merlin sent the photo to her. “Dammit. I was too busy avoiding some himbo with a selfie stick and got caught by someone else.”

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh - he could see the guy in question behind her in the picture. “I thought you liked them.”

“I like sleeping with them. I don’t like them when they make me lose competitions.”

“I see. Well, talking of himbos, I need to get back to finding Galahad.” Roxy snorted a laugh. “Take a day or two before you fly back if you want. See me on Monday.”

**Saturday 12:37pm**

“Should I be worried that he’s dead?” Coming up to nine days and he hadn’t had a single hint of where Eggsy had gone. He didn’t like that. He was beginning to convince himself that the only way he hadn’t been able to trace him at all was that he’d be taken or killed, and he’d feel awful if that was the case, if he’d left an agent stranded for more than a week. “There should be some clue of where he is and there’s nothing. It’s like he vanished off the face of the Earth when I started the clock.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Of course Harry couldn’t tell him that he knew he was perfectly safe in their very own home. “He’s simply outfoxed you this year.” Merlin hummed unhappily. He always enjoyed this little game of theirs and Harry knew how much it would disappoint him to have to admit defeat for real. “I’m sure he’ll turn up.”

“I suppose I could call his emergency phone, just to make sure he’s alive, but I’m not sure I’m allowed. In theory, I could hear something that would lead me to where he is.”

“What do the rules say?”

“About this, nothing. We never accounting for the possibility that I’d have no idea where they’ve gone for this long.”

“Text him?”

Merlin sighed. “I suppose I could.”

**Sunday 1:12pm**

**[Merlin]** Pineapple

 **[Galahad]** Steam

 **[Merlin]** You’re alive, then.

 **[Galahad]** Last time I checked :P

 **[Merlin]** Good.

 **[Galahad]** Not found me yet?

 **[Merlin]** I would have told you if I had.

 **[Galahad]** Any hints?

 **[Merlin]** Do you think I’m foolish, lad? I wouldn’t tell you that.

Eggsy snickered to himself. He didn’t have a clue.

**Tuesday 11:44pm**

“I swear, as soon as he reports back, I’m sending him as far away as I can for as long as I can.”  
  
“Oh, darling, you can’t be angry with him for doing his job well.”

“I’m not angry at him for doing well at his job.” Merlin flung the cover back, climbed into bed and crossed his arms over them. “I’m angry with him for making me look bad at mine.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. Of course he’s not. If everyone’s at the top of their game, this is how it should be.”

Merlin grumbled nonetheless. “If he makes it to two weeks, I’m calling him in.”

**Wednesday 7:03pm**

“Eggsy. What are you doing here?”

“Hi.” Eggsy was sat on Merlin’s sofa but stood when he walked in. Merlin expected him to be smug but instead he looked almost apologetic. “Looks like you caught me.”

“Where have you been?”

“Here.” Eggsy pointed to the ceiling. “You couldn’t trace me because I never moved.”

“You’ve been in my house the whole time?” Eggsy nodded sheepishly and Merlin shook his head in disbelief. “You know you could’ve waited another day and won outright.”

“I know. I heard.” Merlin hummed to himself. He could only count himself lucky that Eggsy hadn’t overheard worse. “So? You gonna make the call?”

“Why?”

Eggsy shrugged. “I wanted to beat the others. I didn’t wanna ruin the whole thing for you.”

Merlin gave him a small smile, tapped at the side of his glasses and Eggsy’s phone rang a moment later. “Galahad. I seem to have found you in my house.”

“Seems like it, yeah.”

“Report to me first thing. You’ve had two weeks off, time to get back to work.”

“Yes, Merlin.”

Merlin hung up and Eggsy breathed a small laugh. “Did Harry help you?” Eggsy nodded. “I’m going to kill him.”

**Wednesday 7:26pm**

“You arse.”

“Hello, darling. What a lovely welcome home.” Harry laid eyes on Eggsy. “Oh.”

“Yes, ‘oh’. You watched me driven to distraction trying to find him and you knew he was here the whole time. You cheated.”

“I most certainly did not!” Harry looked truly horrified at the accusation. “I did nothing that I couldn’t have done without being Arthur.”

“You told him when I’d be out of the house so that I wouldn’t catch him.”

“Correct. Now imagine Eggsy is on a mission and needs to evade capture. And imagine he gains the trust of somebody close to the person chasing him and convinces them to hide him while they waste time, energy on resources on a manhunt which he knows will fail. Would you not congratulate him?”

Merlin paused for a moment, glaring at Harry, then let out a small groan. “Yes, I suppose I would.”

“I know that you all see this as a game but let’s not forget that one of the purposes of this exercise is to expose the weaknesses of our agents. You cannot be annoyed now that it’s your own weakness for once.” He smiled reassuringly at Eggsy. “A job well done, I’d say.”

“He’s right. You did well, Eggsy. That was smart.” He sighed to himself. How foolish of him to trust his own bloody husband not to play against him. “So where are you going with your winnings?”

“Nowhere.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t really wanna go anywhere. I want you and Harry to.”

Merlin tutted, ready for the competition to be over and the chance to lick his wounds. “Don’t be ridiculous, lad. Just take your prize.”

“What, you telling me you don’t need a break? Telling me you don’t think you two deserve the trip? You never get to win and I didn’t just spend a fortnight in a fucking loft for you to turn it down. Just take the holiday, yeah?”

Merlin pouted for just a second. “You didn’t used to be this bossy. Stop spending so much time with Harry. But thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions for games you'd like to see them play or if you just want to chat, you can find me on tumblr @ misterdevere


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